Leslie Marie Collins

I needed an oil change, a very over due oil change.  I had waited about 1000 miles too long to do it.  At this point, I was just putting it off.  I fall into the category (mostly women) of people who don’t know anything about cars or motorcycles.  I know this is pathetic because I pride myself on learning new things in life.  Just going out there and learning something new every day.  And why can’t I know how to change a tire or change my oil?  I am a woman, but that won’t stop me!  Unless, I don’t care… which is the case.  I just don’t care for anything automotive related.  The Jiffy Lube guys have taken advantage of that fact for years.  I don’t know anything about filters.  So, I always just buy whatever filter they suggest… just because I don’t know better and don’t care.  I probably have more filters than my cars ever needed.  

So, I was putting it off because I knew what they would say.  I had looked at my oil and it was black.  So, it is kind of like going to the dentist and having to hear them tell you how you haven’t been flossing.   I just didn’t want to hear it or feel bad for mistreating my scooter.   I also didn’t have 2 hours to spare.  That’s how long it took last time because…

I go to a unique motorcycle shop run by a short, beefy man named “D” and his friend “Al”.  The shop is tucked away off of Northern Blvd.  Hard to find, but if you have a chinese scooter, this is the guy that will fix it.  That’s what all the bike shops say.  Last time I went to get an oil change I left 3 hours later.  I had spent my afternoon watching rodeo videos on a desktop computer and talking about Texas.  That’s where I am from and coincidentally where “D” is from.  His has pictures from all his rodeos on the wall.  Ya know, because he lives in Jersey and rodeos every weekend with “Al”.  It was kind of fun to talk with another Texan (because we are weird like that) but after hour 2, I was exhausted.  He’s a great guy but has the “gift of gab,” as my mother would say.  AND, I wasn’t sure if he would chastise me for not coming in sooner with my black oil.  

It’s a funny dynamic in there.  Al is kind of a mousey #2 man to D.  He runs the paper work part of the operation (literally, just a receipt pad with chicken scratch words scribbled on the back).  D always thinks Al is doing everything wrong though.  He’s not doing anything wrong, but that’s just their relationship.  D runs the show.  Great friends but D runs the show at the rodeo and the shop.  D rides the horses and Al saddles ‘em up, D fixes motorcycles and Al writes receipts.  Al is from New Jersey and looks like your average Jr. High band teacher.   D wears muscle shirts, tight jeans and cowboy boots.  There are a couple of other neighborhood men who hang out at the shop too.    I don’t think they ride, they just like to hang in the shop.  Last time, there was a very old guy who sat in a metal folding chair.  D had him run errands like, “go get us some bottled water Fred.”  I sense that D knows everyone in the neighborhood because he is always waving at people on the sidewalk and saying random things like “Hey, did you ever get that siding done?”   So, I think that’s how they come to just hang in the shop.  

Well anyway, I pull up to the shop and D comes running out and says, “Hey, I got a stunt job over at Kaufman Astoria studios.”  I am still sitting on my bike.  He knows I am an actress and I guess remembered my red scooter.  Apparently, he brought in his rodeo horses for the day and walked them around an arena for a shot and they paid him $500 for it.”  I congratulated him on being back in the business.  I got off my bike and he continues to tell me about the experience for another 10 minutes on the sidewalk.  I finally wedge in the reason why I am there.  And he says OK. (no judgment, I love this guy) It might take a bit, but he can do it.  Thank God for no judgment!

Well, he leads me into the shop to see more rodeo videos and new website designs.  Today though, inside the shop is a new grumpy old man.  Probably only 55 but his unpleasant attitude made him out to be about 85.  As D was left me after chatting for 1 minutes, he goes back to work on another bike before mine could be worked on. Al steps outside to talk to someone on the sidewalk about a sale of a motorcycle.  I was then left alone with the grumpy man.  His elbows were folded over his enormous belly.  I avoided eye contact as long as possible, but I knew that just two people in such a small shop couldn’t avoid conversation for too long, especially when one of the people was a woman.  He wanted to talk to me and I could sense it.  I sensed this man hadn’t talked to a woman since Vietnam.  So, I waited… I waited… waited… and then he looked at me with a sour frown and barked out, “Yeah, yeah.  You all think you are ALL healthy”.  I said, “pardon me?” He replied, “What do you eat, salads?  You think you are healthy, right?”  ”Ummm, yes.  I guess I eat what I like but I try to eat salads as much as poss-“.  He then got down right angry “YOU THINK YOU ARE EATING ORGANIC?  HA!!!!”  I was dumbfounded at this point.  ”Yeah, yeah.  You don’t know if there was DDT IN THAT SOIL BEFORE, DO YOU?”  I said, “Ummm, I guess not.  But it’s better tha-” “YOU EAT OLIVE OIL, RIGHT?”  ”Ummm, yes.” “Well watch out, because it ALL COMES FROM CHINA!!!!!”   I tried to disengage after that.  We sat in silence for a good 5 minutes after that.  I wondered, was this the first time he had talked to a woman in years?  Perhaps he just forgot how?  Perhaps he will go home later and regret it and think, “I really was trying today but it just didn’t come out the way I planned.”  I felt for him.  After that I left the shop and returned 2 hours later to find my bike not done yet.  But that was OK because I knew it wouldn’t be.  I sat there and talked to D from the other room while the grump sat there staring at me silently.  I guess it’s all worth it in the end though.  My oil is clean, the system is was flushed out, new brake pads and she’s running smooth again.  Now, if I could just give the grump some advice on smooth conversation…